I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
