He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
