I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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