Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
