Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
