looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
