He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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