Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
