this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
