Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
