I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
