Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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