I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
soo... how was my night?
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