we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
