Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
