Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
