do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
