I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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