ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
