FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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