also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
vagina is talking i cant
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
