I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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