Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
