so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
