Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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