ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize