I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize