he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
