God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
