It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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