so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Text me some of your sweat
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