Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
