I love black thongs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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