you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
