wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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