i may or may not be watching the land before time
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
