In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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