That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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