Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
