dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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