dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
