Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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