All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
