she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
