you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
