her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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