recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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