how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
