I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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