I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
