Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
