she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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