Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Enjoy the penises
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
