Plan B is the new Plan A
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
