worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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