I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
