i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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