my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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