just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
