this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
