toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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