i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
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We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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