I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
