Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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