we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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