I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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