do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
