yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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