he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
