my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
