If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
