I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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