I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
