i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
