There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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